Like most people, i'm quite scared of being discovered as a total fraud. I've no idea what i'm doing or why i'm doing it most of the time, but maintain a semi-sentient front just to keep things moving along. I seem to be genuinely passionate about certain things, though this could all just be a subconscious, elaborate construct to keep the true horrors of the world at bay. Fun for all, then.
Music is my primary means of defence, both as a player and a listener. I was a member of three bands during my teens and today still write and record bits and pieces with wildly varying degrees of success. I also get inordinate pleasure from walking around my local environs with strange music playing at high volume on headphones. Captain Beefheart is always particularly good for confusing old dears.
It goes without saying that i enjoy watching television (although i'm pretty picky about what i'll subject myself to these days). Recently, after deciding that i'd become a bit too 'specialized', i've been force-feeding myself a whole bunch of books with mostly positive results, though i wouldn't exactly describe myself as 'well-read'. I'm hardly an expert when it comes to films either, but i've got my likes and dislikes. I occassionally indulge in a bit of art too, but again, no Brian Sewell (probably for the best).
Politically, i'm predictably left-of-centre - not quite an armchair revolutionary, more of a bedroom socialist. On the one occassion i was eligible to vote, in the 2009 local elections, i went Green - the true sign of a lower-middle-class guilt complex. I studied politics (along with popular music and italian) at university for 18 months and found the whole thing pretty depressing! Admittedly, some of the lecturers were less than engaging, but it's hard not to feel pretty powerless when there's so much endemic corruption within the system in all the places that matter.
You may have noticed that 18 months is pretty short for a degree. I left a three-year course at roughly the halfway point due to various 'personal difficulties' which had been causing trouble ever since my early teens but decided to multiply rapidly in the face of this particular hurdle. I suffer from obsessive-compulsive disorder, clinical depression and social phobia. This has all left me in some pretty dark places at times over the last few years, not to mention spending most of my time in relative isolation save for my long-suffering family. It's hard to write about it with any sense of remove since it's undoubtedly still going on (the 'real shit' kicked in around February 2007, so that's about 3 years to the day - not the best anniversary admittedly). I don't intend to discuss this much on here, simply because it wouldn't make for very enjoyable reading OR typing! I'd offer to discuss with fellow sufferers, but i'm not exactly the best guy to go to for advice!
Blogging in itself is hopefully going to be a nice way to vent a bit of excess energy given that my life is pretty much at a standstill at the mo. Beyond that, i'm not really sure why i'm doing this. Keep the mind moving with a bit of positive momentum, i suppose. Plus i'm probably trying to maintain a sense of humour about things - it's really all you can do.
AAAAAnyway, enough said. There's millions of people worse off than me in the world, so i'll try to keep the mood of my posts on the positive side. Most relevantly, i plan to use this medium as most bloggers do - as a conduit through which opinions and rantings can flow freely. I'm thinking mostly music, but also a bit on books, TV and politics when the mood takes. You'll get a fairly clear idea of where i'm coming from once i start posting properly. Unlike this big, ugly wedge of text, i'll try to break things up with a few visual aids once i master the technology.
This is in fact my second attempt at this 'ere blogging lark. The first consisted exclusively of verbose, lyrical waxings about various musical behemoths. Following the opening salvo of introductions, i might reprint some of these tomes in their entirety, albeit with a few edits and additions here and there. Suffice to say that around the time of their origin (summer 2008), i was not in a particularly focussed state, so they now read as a bit of a mess. There's a lot of enthusiasm in there too, i guess, but do bear this in mind. Hopefully newer posts will be a bit easier to read.
Anyway, hope someone gets something positive out of the whole ensuing mess.
All the best,
Sinbad.
PS - If at times my posts get a bit obtuse and embarrassingly wordy, don't be overly concerned or offended. It's probably just a distancing mechanism at worst. If things get too heavy-going, just scroll up and have a good look at old Brian. I can guarantee that you'll forget whatever was causing you distress. In fact, here's another to keep you going...
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